Category: lmao

When you close your eyes after turning your al…

image

When you’re on your phone and you hear your mo…

Conversation

Me: Hello Darkness My Old Friend
Darkness: Are you making fun of my age?!

Conversation

Guy: I fuck so many bitches!
Me: STAY AWAY FROM MY DOG

Conversation

You: Candle
Me, an intellectual: Double-sided flame stick

Regular

Person: Nothing lasts forever!

Me: What about nail polish on toenails?

Person: One thing lasts forever

Conversation

Person: Oh wow, it’s been so long since I last saw you!
Me, darting to the next grocery aisle: Let’s keep it that way

When your post gets 10 likes

Conversation

Me, bawling my eyes out in a theatre: Shut up! It’s allergies!
Person: What are you allergic to?
Me, choking back tears: Sadness

Regular

Demi Lovato’s arm: *Exists*

Heroin: